so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
