Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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