I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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