I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize