Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
