Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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