Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
