it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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