the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
