The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize