As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize