I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize