those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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