You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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