God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
