Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
