just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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