Someone shit on the floor
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
