Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
honey bunches of taint.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
