is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
