Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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