i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
