Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
