so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
