but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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