fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
