This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
