I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
