Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
