Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
