So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
