Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
