we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
