But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
