a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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