do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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