4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize