I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
