There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
