I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
