How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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