Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
