What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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