dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
