Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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