ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
