you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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