I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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