So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
