so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
