dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i now understand why vodka
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
