Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
