i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
