Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
