I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
