dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
