So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
