Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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