Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
FUCK WHALES
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
