5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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