he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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