Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
