i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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