I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
