Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
