My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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