I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
