If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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