Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
